{30} Lessons I Learned Before Turning 30
If you’re invited to a meeting, you belong in that room.
Your voice matters just as much as anyone else’s and you have every right to speak up. Even if you aren’t as “loud” or “outgoing,” what you have to say, counts. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I can’t tell you how many times I’d see the names on the list of a meeting and think, “well, I’m just a coordinator,” or “I’m just…” XYZ. It psyched me out from speaking up when I should have or had ideas that I was ready to share.
You don’t need a significant other by your side to experience your life.
Sure, it would be nice to have that “built-in” road trip partner or someone to share every detail of your life with, but just because you don’t have a significant other, DOESN’T MAKE YOU INSIGNIFICANT. You have friends, family, and yourself. Find the beauty in those moments.
Travel will change your life.
Even as a youngster, I loved traveling. Places have always left marks on me and I’ve used them as timestamps or markers in my life to look back on how they’ve changed, or I’ve grown through the years, since the last time I was there. I feel like everything I do becomes influenced by the place I’m in - I’ve gone through my LA/beach girl phase, my New York City/Audrey Hepburn glam phase, my London days, then circled back to Palm Springs. I immerse myself in the culture of that city or country to infuse it back into my life later on.
There’s nothing wrong with spending time alone. And enjoying it.
I used to feel somewhat guilty like I wasn’t supposed to spend time alone. I should always want to be around people. But, that’s never been me. I’m an introvert. I love my alone time, and as an only child, I’ve always known how to entertain myself and use my imagination without others being around. The older I get, the more I learn how to foster that and get that time that I need to create and recharge, so I can be fun and feel more like myself around people.
The degree you get in college is just a guide, or a start, to where the rest of your career is going to take you.
I almost didn’t apply to my first job at CSUB because it was in public affairs, not journalism. I thought it was so out of my lane because I went to school for journalism - to interview people, to tell stories, the whole thing. But, that’s not true. Oh, how much life and experience I would have missed out on if I'd never given them a call. It gives you an idea or path to set out on, a direction, but overall, each job is another piece of life, a lesson to be learned, or another outlet for using your skills. These days, you don't have to be married to one career or one job for the rest of your life. Be loyal, absolutely. But, be open to what comes as you go.
Stay at home as long as you can.
Living on my own, I now understand why everyone would say “stay at home as long as you can.” And now, I’m thankful I did stay at home for the years I did. Many people go away to college, but that wasn’t my experience. I always felt like I was missing out or should be doing something different. But, I’m grateful for that time with my parents and it allowed me time to focus on dreams I had, take some risks, and have experiences that I wouldn’t have been able to or had the money for if I’d been out on my own in my early years.
No one is going to care more about your dreams than you do.
You will have cheerleaders in your life, sure, and hopefully, they will encourage you and bring support when you need it. But, they won’t be the ones putting together that business plan or writing that novel…That is all up to you. You have to put in the work and the time, and there will be sacrifices that come with it. No one is going to sit you down and push you to do something. That’s just not how it goes.
Don’t fight against getting help for anxiety.
I was always so against medication until it came to a breaking point. I was in tears in the bathroom at work every day. I was getting sick all the time, I had migraines I couldn’t get under control, I was nervous all the time, and could never pinpoint a specific reason. It was a long journey - I was praying more and spending time with God, I was getting out in nature more, eating better, working out with a trainer…But, there was still too much noise in my head that I needed to quiet down. Getting the right medicine had its ebbs and flows, but I was so much better off for it. Next step? Finding the right counselor/therapist.
The calling that God has placed in your heart won’t change, but the vehicle, or medium through which you use it, most likely will.
If you’re called to encourage people or whatever gift it is you have, you can do that anywhere. But, the job or where you do it might change throughout the years. But, I think we tend to give more emphasis to where we’ll be doing. I spent so many years thinking Nashville was the calling. It wasn’t about that at all. Step into your calling and gifts wherever you are, with whatever resources you have.
Don’t believe the “BFF” narrative all the time.
There are very few friendships in your life that will stand the test of time and last forever. That’s natural. Don’t assume that every person that walks into your life is going to stand by you on your wedding day or be there for the birth of your first child. But, for the ones who stick by your side? Do whatever it takes to nurture those friendships.
If a guy stops acting interested - he’s not interested.
This one takes a while. You want to believe the best in people or give the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn’t initiate the texts or hangouts, move on, baby girl, you’ve got better things to do in this life than wonder if he’s interested in you. Start asking yourself if you’re even interested in him.
That dream you had at 16 might not be the same dream at 29. That’s okay.
Throughout your life, you find your ways to other things or other branches of those things you wanted to do when you were younger. Enjoy the ride and those experiences you thought would lead to something bigger, but be open to what it evolves into.
There are no such things as failures, only lessons learned and life lived. Learn to go out on a limb every once in a while.
Yes, you’re going to make mistakes. It’s inevitable. But, it’s all experience that you’re going to gain knowledge in for the next time a situation happens or it’s an experience you can add to your resumé later on.
It’s not always going to feel good to be the one to close the door on an opportunity, but if you know it to be right, close it and don’t look back [at least for too long].
The right decisions don’t always feel good, so it can be hard to decipher whether you made the right decision. But, trust your gut and intuition, pray about it, and if you feel led, walk away. You’ll see why you had to soon enough.
Identity is not found in what you do, it’s who (and whose) you are.
When I first started working as a public affairs coordinator, I was still a temporary employee and it took me a while to get to the permanent title. I always somehow managed to feel less than because I didn’t have the title and it messed with my mind, making me question whether I was good enough or whether I was going to eventually have the permanent job. But, in that season, God worked through me more than any other time in my life. Even when I got the permanent role, I understood that it was never about that at all. I read one of Tim Tebow’s books on the way to Santa Fe for a photography workshop for my job when I eventually got the permanent role. It completely opened my eyes again to what it means to be a child of God, that He is where my identity is found. That’s the core of who I am - no job, relationship or financial status will change that. That’s where my worth is found.
Even in your most courageous moments, your voice will shake, there might be tears. All that matters is that your message is clear.
Pretty self-explanatory. But, it took me a while to realize that boldness and confidence don’t always have to be LOUD.
The opportunities from God will find you. Good opportunities are the ones you tend to go out searching for.
Every opportunity that has worked out seamlessly has just sort of landed in my lap [But, because I’ve also put in the work and made the connections]. God coordinates everything else behind the scenes. But, the “good” opportunities that have seemed to be everything at the time, tend to just leave me striving and proving that I’m good enough. I’m learning to see the difference. That's not to say you shouldn't do your part or never look for something, but when God coordinates something to happen, it just goes so much smoother than us forcing something.
Getting up early to see a sunrise is always worth it.
You never regret seeing the beauty of a sunrise over the mountains or rise above the ocean.
Always find time to go out in nature.
Whether it’s a hike, sitting on your porch, or going to the park, it always shifts your focus back to God. It does for me anyway. It reminds me of how small my problems are and that nothing is too big or too small for God to handle, because He created everything that is in front of me.
People can’t have power over you unless you let them.
I’m not talking about those we work with or that we report to. I mean the ones whose words and actions linger with us far longer than they should and make us feel insignificant. It’s like Eleanor Roosevelt’s saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s something I try to live by.
Cereal is a viable meal.
‘Nuff said.
You don’t need a reason to celebrate - eat the cake on a random Tuesday night, just because.
I mean, find any reason to celebrate the small wins, the little victories. Or just that you’re alive and breathing. That’s reason enough to celebrate and eat cake these days.
Buy the Disneyland season pass.
Buying the Disneyland season pass that I did for a couple of years was one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. I went many times with my friends for special occasions or just because. There were a couple of days, I was able to take a day off work and just be a kid again with my best friend. Eat, ride, buy all the overpriced souvenirs, watch the fireworks, scream on the rollercoasters, sing along to the Disney songs as you wait in line. Remember the magic of life and fairytales.
Listen to your body.
When there are aches and pains, it’s telling you something. For me, when I get knocked down with a migraine or stomach bug, or back pains, it means to slow down, switch up my diet, or need rest. It reminds me to stop going all the time and to just be and take care of myself better moving forward.
Journal. ALWAYS. Document everything.
I’ve journaled off and on throughout my life. It’s how I process, especially as a writer. I always write down too many details, because there have been so many times later on when those details come in handy. I’ve taken pictures and videos since I was in high school and started uploading to YouTube. I wanted to be able to remember all the goofy things my friends and I did, or the sound of my grandma’s voice or what my parents were doing on a random Saturday. But, I especially did this over the last decade - filling journal after journal, because there were so many changes I experienced with friends, college, career, monumental life moments and I never wanted to forget those feelings, good or bad.
Always do the update on your phone and download the photos.
I always tend to ignore the updates and don’t download/backup photos as I should, so I either lose them or run out of storage. Don’t wait until you’re completely out of storage and NEED to take a picture, only to find yourself deleting other things off before you can take it.
Befriend those who are older than you.
Even as a kid, I’d always somehow manage to make friends with the older kids or teens around me. They will impart the wisdom of mistakes they’ve made so you can avoid them altogether. It’s also just nice to hear their perspective when a situation on your end feels like the end of the world. They’ve probably been there, too, and can let you know that it isn’t.
Even just 30 minutes of movement can help your body and your attitude.
Even if you can’t make it to the gym or do a full workout at home, going for a short walk or a 10-minute fitness video on YouTube or Apple Fitness can make a difference, wherever you can squeeze it in. You’ll feel so much better for it after.
There’s very little in life that can’t be cured by saltwater, a good playlist, red lipstick, coffee, and a good friend by your side for a drive.
Some of the best times in my 20’s and my life have happened from the catalyst of these very things. Also, can’t forget a good T. Swift jam session while driving around!
Learn to adapt to life’s disappointments.
No matter how old you are, there will always be times that you go, ‘Wow. Did not see that one coming.’ I guess that’s both the beautiful and terrifying thing about it. You’ll never have everything figured out. It’s all a process. No one has it all together. At least not all the time. Someone or something will always disappoint you. That’s why we put our hope in something far greater.
That's all for now,
Shelby
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