I'm almost 30...

You can anticipate a lot of reflective content from me, as it's the first month of a new year. I've been looking back on the last year - what I've learned, what I hope for in the next year, what I need more of, less of. 

I'm nearing my 30th birthday in a couple weeks, so I'm looking back on the last decade of my life. I'm thinking back on the highlights, the lows, the takeaways that came from these years, the friendships, the jobs, the trips...

Looking back at the last 29 years of my life, I realize how incredibly blessed I’ve been to live the life that I have and have experienced a variety of good and bad. 

• I’ve traveled to 18 of the 50 states and to Europe, visiting spots I’d only ever seen in movies or read about in history books. 

• I’ve seen most of my favorite artists in concert and have been able to meet many of them, too, and tell them how much their art and music have impacted me. 

• I’ve been to Hollywood premieres. 

• I’ve gone on solo trips to places I’d always talked about visiting, like Ojai, Santa Barbara, Malibu and even Santa Fe, New Mexico. 

• I’ve taken plenty of road trips with friends, either for the day or for a weekend. 

• I’ve been snorkeling in Hawaii. 

• I’ve lived on my own. 

• I’ve dined at fancy restaurants, where even the Biebs himself has been spotted on occasion. 

• I’ve hiked to the Hollywood sign. 

• I’ve spent time with God and I’ve been angry with God. 

• I’ve had my heart broken, by guys and plenty of friends through the years. 

• I’ve interviewed big names on the red carpet of a Nicholas Sparks premiere and Nicholas Sparks himself even told me I did a great job. 

• I’ve been on a couple cruises. 

• I’ve been to tapings of TV shows and met the cast afterward. 

• I’ve been whale watching several times and on a number of boats out at sea. 

• I’ve seen some of the most beautiful sunsets and the most powerful sunrises. 

• I’ve sang and acted in a number of productions in front of crowds and plenty of talent shows over the years, and have done the worship team at church, in jr. hi and high school. 

• I’ve spent time in the mountains and at the beach. 

• I’ve served at church on creative teams and for a lot of events where they needed a few extra hands. 

• I’ve applied for programs, like the one at USC or the writing program at Warner Brothers that I thought might be long shots (and they were), but I went for them anyway. 

• I was almost in the “Shake it Off” video with Taylor Swift video, but ended up on the cutting room floor, as they say in the biz. But, hey, I basically spent the day with her on the set, so it wasn’t a bad thing.

• I’ve gone to camp and kayaked on the lake. 

• I’ve gone stargazing with friends in the middle of nowhere. 

• I’ve visited the sets and filming locations of quite a few of my favorite movies and TV shows. 

• I’ve done a ropes course and went ziplining. 

• I graduated with my bachelor’s degree and landed a job in my field right after. 

• I’ve pulled all nighters and I’ve slept until noon. 

• I’ve poured my heart into the things I’ve written and have been published in a few things. 

• I’ve been to the very top of the Empire State Building, watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in person and went ice skating in the middle of Rockefeller Center - Bucket list items, for sure. 

• I’ve roasted marshmallows and had s’mores over an open campfire with family. 

• I’ve believed the best in people, only to have it backfire. 

• I’ve had second chances with friendships that now I can’t imagine myself without. 

• I’ve regretted things I’ve said in the heat of the moment and other times, I’ve kicked myself for not speaking up when I had every opportunity to do so. 

• I’ve paid off my student loans and my car. YAY, adulting! 

• I’ve found myself fitting in to rooms where I belong and I’ve been in other spaces where I had no idea how I found myself there or what I could bring to the table. 

• I’ve celebrated the small victories and birthdays of myself and loved ones, and I’ve cried over the losses and defeat. 

• I’ve stuck with a number of things that I wanted to quit, but saw them through to the other side. 

• I’ve documented the most random and seemingly insignificant of things and I’ve regretted not taking photos at certain moments. 

• I’ve struggled with body image and had moments where I couldn’t eat and other times I’ve overeaten, because stress eating is a thing. 

• I’ve gotten lost in depression and anxiety, but fight back harder every time. It does not get the final say in my life. 

• I’ve taken a gondola ride through the Venice Canals in Venizia, Italia. 

• I’ve had tea at Kensington Palace (though unfortunately, the Queen couldn’t make it). 

• I’ve sat on the top of a double decker bus in London as we saw the sights around the city. 

• I’ve attended album listening and album release parties in Nashville. 

• I’ve been invited to exclusive Taylor Swift events, but couldn’t make all of them. 

• I watched Taylor Swift sing “Back to December” for one of the first times ever live on the steps of the Ellen stage during the “Speak Now” release week. 

• I’ve vacationed at a resort in Palm Springs (with current “Beverly Hills Housewife, Lisa Rinna, before it was cool to do so). 

• I’ve attended a couple star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremonies (Carrie Underwood and *NSYNC, both of which were big moments for me). 

• I’ve been to the top of the Space Needle in Seattle and thought I was going to have a panic attack, but the view was SO worth it

• I’ve been sent flowers and I’ve bought my own.  

• I’ve taken guitar lessons, but didn’t stick with it. 

• I’ve had breakfast at midnight with a couple of my best friends to celebrate being “22”, because, you know, Taylor Swift and all. 

• I’ve been bar hopping in Nashville without having a single drop of alcohol, and we signed up to do karaoke, but didn’t get around to it. 

• I’ve seen some of the greatest figure skaters/olympians in person. 

• I’ve been with my grandparents in their final moments and last breaths. 

• I’ve explored and wandered through large cities and cruised through the wide open spaces of the countryside. 

• I’ve spent countless afternoons outside in the summertime in the pool with my grandparents. 

• I’ve stayed up until 4 a.m., having sleepovers with my cousin, which always caused my mom to come out and tell us we needed to go to bed because we were making too much noise. 

• I’ve sped across the lake driving a jet ski. 

• I’ve had countless game nights with my family and friends. 

• I’ve taken late night drives with my parents, usually on Sunday nights, or sometimes on the way home from later Dodger games after they’ve finished.

Overall, looking back at the things I’ve done, they outweigh the things I haven’t experienced.  I’ve had a very full life in spite of the things that I still have yet to do or hope to see in this lifetime, and I’ve had a lot of love every step of the way, even when it might not have felt like it. 

As I look forward to my next 30 years of this life, I want to fully embrace who I’m becoming. 
I want to lose myself in art, in love, in the beautiful mystery of life. To not be so concerned about what comes next or the need to have the rest of my life planned out. I’m nearing 30 and there’s something empowering about that number to me. Maybe because “13 Going on 30” is one of my favorite movies. 
Or just the possibilities that come with a new decade. A new chapter. There’s this anonymous quote/saying I’ve seen on the internet that says some years ask questions and others answer them. These will be the years that answer those questions I’ve had about friendships, dating, career, self-worth, family and everything in between. 

Over the last year of my 20’s, I’ve found myself reflecting back on my childhood a lot. The roots of who I am - where the dreams all began, where my anxiety stemmed from, the habits I picked up from those closest to me, why I’m passionate about the things that I am, the music that moved me as a kid, the movies and TV shows that I was so drawn to. I’m settling into who I am, though, and realizing what makes me, me. That some of the quirks and weird habits are what make me who I am. 

And more than falling in love with someone, I want to fall in love with Jesus, with myself and my character, and the life I’m creating. The people I’m around, who I let into my bubble, because it continues to get smaller. I want to make smart decisions financially, because I’ve made some dumb ones in the last year. I want to not let anxiety steal precious time and activities away from me. 

I would like to take a cooking class or take up a new hobby. I’d like to watch the sun rise over the Grand Canyon and see the sun come up at the first spot on the horizon in Acadia, Maine or take a helicopter ride over Los Angeles. I’d like to fall in love or even just go on a nice date with a cute guy that I really like (because I haven’t really had too many of those). 

I want to eventually own a house in Tennessee someday. I’d like to write a book.  I want to write and produce my own romantic comedy. I want to see the Eiffel Tower and drink coffee at a street cafe in Paris. Some people want home theaters, and I definitely wouldn’t mind one of those, but I’ve always dreamed of having my own library space (think Beauty and the Beast style) with windows and window seats for the perfect spot to curl up with a good novel. 

There are so many places I haven’t traveled to yet, so many people I haven’t met. So many movies I haven’t watched and albums I have yet to listen to. I want to stay at an Air Bnb in the Hollywood Hills and pretend I’m a movie star escaping the limelight, or maybe I'll actually be one by the time that happens, ha.

I want to dine on a rooftop in Los Angeles for a special occasion. I want to spend a girl’s weekend in Palm Springs, visiting all of the aesthetically pleasing spots and stay up late watching movies, painting each other’s nails and talking until the sun comes up. I want to go fishing for the first time since I was a young girl and spend more time in nature. I want to go away for a week to a cabin in the woods (just not the kind you could potentially get murdered in, more like the kind you write a novel in and unplug). I want to experience a New Year’s Eve kiss, or at least encounter a more festive celebration for the occasion. 

I want to take a deep breath and feel like things are finally falling into place. I want to feel stronger. To feel ready to take things head on without hesitation. I want to step into who I was designed to be, accepting every flaw and strength. 

I have a very good feeling about my 30's. I can only go up from here. 

That's all for now, 

Shelby